Helping Children and Families Address and Stop Sibling Abuse — June 15, 2017

Helping Children and Families Address and Stop Sibling Abuse

Children are vulnerable to various forms of abuse, particularly adult abuse, peer-peer abuse commonly known as bullying, among other forms. Unfortunately, one that is mostly overlooked is sibling abuse, which has in the past, been confused with healthy sibling rivalry. Although sibling abuse has for a long time been labeled as a common rite of passage, research now shows that it is more prevalent than any other form of domestic violence. For the victims, the abuse can be unbearable since they have to bear it every day.

What is Sibling Abuse?

With the federal laws and statutes not recognizing sibling abuse unless a child is turned in by their parents, it becomes extremely difficult to handle and accept the violence. Fortunately, counselors have strongly come in to intervene and help families cope with the ordeal. So, how can you define sibling abuse as a parent? If you notice the inequity in power between your children whether half-brothers/sisters, adoptive siblings or foster siblings where one seems to be in control of the other, that is termed as sibling bullying, which can be, highly harmful to the victim.

There may also be signs of sexual abuse, threatening, and repeated hurt or degrading. Name calling, or ridicule also falls into this category and is one of the worst forms of sibling abuse since this is the period where kids are developing their self-worth. Disregarding remarks especially can lower a child’s esteem leading to long-term effects even in adulthood.

While parents can handle such abuse, it is important to seek the intervention of a professional counselor to help the kids recognize the effect they are causing to each other and why they need to grow and develop as equals. This form of violence has been seen to mostly result from delinquency, aggression, and substance use. Abuse can range from mild such as pushing and shoving to aggression such as using weapons that could cause harm.

The Effects of Sibling Abuse

Studies show that the long-term effects of sibling abuse include psychological and physical aggression. These can lead to instances of depression, anger, and anxiety all the way to adulthood. Just as bullying, sibling abuse can cause major mental health concerns in victims. If you notice one of your kids being abused by the other, contact a professional counselor before the problem escalates. If the abuse is more of sexual, the kids need immediate professional involvement, for the victim to recover and the perpetrator to stop. When children find it impossible to communicate, they tend to be abusive.

A counselor can help your kids develop better ways of expressing their frustration and anger in healthier ways other than abusing their sibling. Understand that punishing kids who cause major harm to their siblings in a humiliating way can be counterproductive. It is advisable to approach the situation calmly and rationally. Unfortunately, victims of sibling abuse hardly heal with time, tend to have low self-esteem, and are overly insecure. In relationships, they play victims and have trouble keeping up with their partners.

Although rivalries among siblings have been noted to promote healthy competition, they can get to an abusive point where the aggression is intended to cause harm. Parents who show favoritism by labeling some kids as smart over others have been reported to sow seeds of conflict and division. Informed counselors can assess the situation to define if it is normal rivalry or abuse, plan, and intervene. Also, the counselor may offer psycho-education to parents about sibling aggression.

Learn more about how to cope and resolve family issues at Isaiah Counseling and Consulting in Charlotte, NC.

6 Top Reasons Why You Should Start Couples Therapy, Even If Your Partner Won’t — May 24, 2017

6 Top Reasons Why You Should Start Couples Therapy, Even If Your Partner Won’t

While attending couples therapy alone is not ideal, the sad fact is that sometimes your significant other is not willing to go with you. This may be due to their belief that therapy will not be helpful, or a fear of being vulnerable or uncomfortable.

However, experienced therapists still think that starting couples counseling solo may still be a step in the right direction. Here are some reasons why:

1. You will gain a better understanding of relationships

Working with a qualified therapist will give you invaluable insights into how healthy and mutually beneficial relationships look like and work. It will help you learn how to compromise, set boundaries, or engage more in your relationship. It can also provide you with more effective tools to communicate with your partner.

2. No censorship

Attending couples counseling alone gives you a safe place to share any concerns you may be having about the relationship without having to censor yourself. The first few sessions allow you to identify the problems in your relationships head-on without worrying about protecting the other person’s feelings. This could be a necessary step to getting to the root of a problem.

3. You can bring positive change

Most times, all it takes is one partner to change in positive and functional ways to bring about a change in the relationship. Experienced therapists will tell you that happy families are like a well-maintained machine. Sometimes all a faulty machine needs to work is a little fine-tuning.

4. Plan how to approach thorny issues

Going to therapy solo gives you a place to talk about relationship problems that you may not be ready to discuss with your partner. Therapists are able to help you craft the most authentic but effective way to talk about your needs and concerns with your partner, without hurting their feelings too much.

5. Positive changes will encourage your partner

Therapy primarily forces you to think about your own patterns and behavior. Sharing these insights with your partner may just sway them to attend couples counseling sessions with you.

6. Gain some peace of mind

The most positive result of solo couples counseling is convincing an unwilling partner to join you. However, even if that happens and the relationship ends, you will be satisfied that you tried everything to make it work.

Learn more about couples counseling in Charlotte, NC at Isaiah Counseling and Consulting.

Isaiah Counseling & Consulting
1914 Brunswick Avenue, #1B
Charlotte, NC 28207
(704) 910-2055

5 Unexpected Signs You Need Couples Counseling — May 23, 2017

5 Unexpected Signs You Need Couples Counseling

It is reported over 90% of couples attending couples counseling learned practical tools for dealing with problems between themselves. The biggest problem is determining when to seek help. These are signs to watch for if you think your relationship is not everything it should be.

Often couples are unaware of how their actions affect their partner. Friction is evident, but who’s at fault and the cause often requires an outside source that can impartially look at both sides. These are signs to look for to know if you can benefit from couples counseling.

Bracing for the Worst

Expecting your partner to become upset over a situation and then okay when they do, shows you’re experiencing negative expectancy. There are even times with this expectancy that you will preemptively criticize your partner just to get the reaction you expected. You may not even be aware of this behavior in yourself. Couples counseling will determine if your relationship is suffering from this self-fulfilling behavior and how to avoid it.

Unhealthy Heart

Researchers found calcification levels in a spouse’s heart decrease when they feel unsupported. A CT scan performed on participants coronary arteries determined partners viewing each other as supportive had higher levels of calcification. Couples counseling can create a healthier heart for you and your partner.

Meanness to Animals

Couples counseling has many partners admitting their first sign of trouble was when they began being mean to the family pet. They also experienced unwarranted irritation at simple daily events such as telemarketers calling, spoiled food, and even annoying TV commercials. If you feel this anger in yourself or notice it in your partner, you should seek couples counseling.

Texting Increase

Researchers found when a man increases the time spent texting, he is unhappy in his relationship. They relate this action as the male feels more detached with a digital approach rather than confronting directly. If texting has increased in your relationship, couples counseling may be needed.

Arguing about Daily Events

When daily chores become constant battles like; who’s turn is it to empty dishwasher, walk the dog, or any joint task becomes a fight with a yelling match, you are a good candidate for couples counseling. Counselors can help you learn how to talk with each other again.

Couples counseling can help you save your relationship and get you back on track for a happier life.

When do you need Couples Counseling? Here are 7 Signs — January 13, 2017

When do you need Couples Counseling? Here are 7 Signs

Admit it. Not all marriages ‘live happily ever after’. Relationships are usually subject to various challenges as couples slowly adjust to the living habits of their spouse. Mistrusts and turmoil are quite common among couples these days, but what if it gets to be way too much? Before you and your partner make the big unanimous decision to divorce, consider couples counseling. Confused yet? Read on to learn the 7 signs that indicate you need a counselor’s assistance.

  1. Couples who Barely Speak to Each Other:

Most problems in a relationship start with the simplest of problems such as miscommunication. A counselor will help you find ways with which communication problems can be easily tackled and to make sure that everything goes in the right direction by sharing each other’s feelings.

  1. Constant Arguing:

Frequent arguing is just as harmful as “the silent treatment”. If there’s bad communication that involves a partner being judged, disregarded or shamed, it can lead to a fragile relationship. Negative communication and arguing is not just about what you say, but how you say it too. Be careful and think twice about how and what you say to your partner.

  1. Not willing to Speak up:

Sometimes you are too frightened or hesitant to talk about issues, be it about sex, money or anything else. A counselor can help open up the lines of communication between you and your partner about these issues. A professional counselor will clearly examine the issues at hand and will help bring them to light.

  1. Considering your Partner as your Enemy:

Regardless if you considering your partner as a rival, always remember that you both are a team. But just in case things have been real difficult between the two of you, so much that the two of you are on different sides, a counselor’s help is imperative.

  1. You think that everything will be OK if your partner would change:

You’re the only person who can bring about positive change to your relationship. Waiting for the other person to change would simply be a waste of time. This is why a counselor’s help is recommended, as a counselor can identify what you want and who, as a person, you are.

  1. You Lead Separate Lives:

When couples degrade from being a married couple to just being roommates, that clearly indicates that a counselor’s assistance is needed. While this doesn’t always mean that a couple is in trouble but a lack of communication, intimacy and unity represents something’s not right.

  1. You Start Keeping Secrets:

Any person involved in a relationship has the right to privacy, but when you feel a need to start keeping secrets from each other, it is an indication that you may need some help with your relationship.   Couples counseling has saved many marriages.

If you’re having a hard time dealing with relationship issues, book an appointment with Isaiah Counseling and Consulting today!

 

Will Marriage Counseling Help Or Aggravate The Problems? — April 26, 2016

Will Marriage Counseling Help Or Aggravate The Problems?

Today we are living in a very fast paced, self-centric world whereby values such as marriage and family are taking the back seat. The rate of divorces are increasing year after year. Family and marriage counselors have a long list of reasons why the divorce rate is increasing in the US.

Couples with problems often pretend that everything is normal and fine. This is one of the biggest mistakes that you could make because things will flare up when you least expect it and you will not know how to deal with it at that stage. One of the reasons why couples do not like to address the issues immediately or why they do not want to approach some family counseling service is that they fear that approaching a counselor will rock the boat and that they will have to face the skeletons in the closet.

If you too are thinking that couples counseling would aggravate the problems among you then you are wrong. You cannot resolve the issues between you and your spouse by keeping quiet about them or by pretending as if nothing is wrong because those problems are sucking the life juice out of your marriage.

By approaching a local marriage counseling service, you will be able to deal with those daily frustrations that are eating your family in a very constructive way. You should not mistake a family counselor to be a person who will give advice. The role of the counselor is to help you name your own problems, understand them and find your own workable solutions. Therefore, when you are approaching a counselor you need not have to worry that he or she will tell you to do things that you will find difficult or things that you would not want to do.

When it comes to mending your family relationship, even if the problem is going to be with one person, couples counseling works out to be more effective as opposed to individual counseling.

Similarly, if one of the children in the family is going to have problem, along with child counseling it is important that the entire family meets the counselor so that the family members could learn how to help the child that needs support. Otherwise, all the work done by the child counselor will be undone by the family members, which will affect the child’s improvement.

If you think that the relationship between you and your spouse is strained, do not wait for too long. In love and relationship, things will get better if you could open up your world to some professional help. It will remove the agony out of strained relationship by helping you see things in a better perspective. The longer you delay the more difficult it will get for to mend the relationship. It is always the children who suffer in families with problems. Do not let your children grow up with emotional scars that they will carry all their life. Find a professional marriage counseling service in your area and improve your marriage life and family life.

Five Important Tips To Get More Out Of Your Married Life — July 23, 2015

Five Important Tips To Get More Out Of Your Married Life

Have you started feeling frequently that your marriage life is no more fun? Do you feel that you two as a couple is drifting apart for no apparent reason? You are not alone; hundreds of couples share the same sentiments. There are many reasons why couples feel that they are no more close to each other even when they are living under the same roof. Here are five important tips that will help you find your love back in your married life.

1. Ensure that you spend a minimum of one hour of quality time with your spouse. Make sure that you have your mobile phones in silent mode. Avoid the temptation to check your Facebook updates and Twitter account during the family time. One of the reasons why couples drift apart is because of the fact that they do not make any efforts to bring in work and personal life balance. Once you are able to strike a balance in this regard, you will be able to notice dramatic changes in your married life.

2. Try to identify things that you two will enjoy doing together. It could be anything ranging from attending baking classes to gardening. Identifying some common platform will give you more room to talk about something that you both like. This will help you get closer to each other.

3. If there are any petty issues, do not pretend that they do not exist. What might trivial issue today could prove to be the last straw in your marriage breakup. It is best to have issues addressed then and there. If you are unable to handle them on your own look for an experienced marriage counseling expert. As opposed to what many people think, counseling is not only for people that are at the verge of breakup. You will be able to strengthen your marriage relationship further with couples counseling. Do not wait for petty issues to become huge to handle them. If there are any issues you need to act on them and many people presume that ignoring them is one of the best ways of resolving them. Unfortunately, in most cases the outcome is counterproductive to your expectations.

4. Be ready to listen to the other person. Often we are not ready to listen to the other person. You will be able to resolve many issues or even prevent many issues in your marriage life just by becoming a good listener. When you go for counseling that is what a counselor does. He or she listens to you, this helps you vent out all of your bottled up emotions and that is why you feel relaxed and revived after a counseling session.

5. Look for interesting ways to surprise your partner. No one is too old for a ‘thoughtful surprise’. Your partner will also soon start reciprocating, which will certainly bring you closer to each other and you will soon discover the joy of married life once again.